The Big Empty
The Truth about the ‘isolation’ in ‘self-isolation’ that no one is talking about.
It’s been a few weeks into Government-enforced Lockdown. The World is healing itself. The Paranoid are out in droves, while the Selfish have been revealed. However despite the worst side of this pandemic, a lot of positives can be drawn from it, from heroic efforts and appreciation for Frontline workers, to communities banding together for the first time in years (decades even!), to people maximizing on goals they’ve been too busy in the past to address, a lot of us have been afforded more time than ever before.
The manner in which we got this time, may not have been what we had expected, however, how we use that time is what ultimately matters (paraphrasing Gandalf the Grey for a moment).
Initially, I went on a huge health-kick. ‘Sorting my shit out’, choosing to see the hidden seed of opportunity that was promised with this Lockdown with a Life-reset, addressing what I had been ignoring for years.
I meditated daily. I exercised daily. I went on what I called a Spiritual Pilgrimage (i.e. a walk) daily. It was going extremely well…for 15 days. The day I was confronted by The Big Empty.
We meet again
Now, what is this Big Empty I speak of? It’s the Hole, the Darkness, The Shadow within us. It’s the Lack in your Life. It’s the accumulation of mini-Lack’s in your Life that makes you think ‘What’s the point?’. The blinding reminder within us that, let’s us know that you have nothing going for you and you should just stop and hide (or as my Ego conveniently calls it, ‘a tactical retreat’).
The Big Empty can be a scary and overwhelming experience, and sometimes the very first sign of its presence can make us choose the Path of Self-destruction without even blinking an eye.
The Big Empty is a heavy dread within you. It’s the dark night of the soul, where your very existence comes into question; your ambitions, where you are in your life and your expectations of it. It can be a horrifying thought, but more-so one that can swallow you whole.
Escapism whether in the form of entertainment, narcotics or food is BIG business…because they know, 9 times out of 10, you don’t want to face The Big Empty.
Fear, when left unattended to the imagination can swell, and what was once thought of as pesky but manageably small Gremlin has now become a behemoth mastodon of towering proportions that can make us feel inferior…but that need not be the case.
Ever been alone by yourself, but rather than tuning in to the same old distractions and self-destructive habits that you usually entertain when The Big Empty comesa’ knockin’, you instead take a moment and embrace The Big Empty within yourself?
It’s scary. It’s very unsettling, but it’s very powerful, and for this moment it is Life-changing. Does this mean I have Life all worked out? Hell no! Can this have an effect on my overall outlook on life? Most definitely!
At the end of the day, you know as much as I do, we are different creatures when we confront things consciously, to when we are hiding away, hoping it’ll all go away. Entertain a reaction long enough, and that’ll become the default habit on which we depend on, good or bad.
Right now as I’m writing this, The Big Empty left me looking at the lack and limitations in my life; it made me want to look for ways to get out of this shitty feeling and into a more familiar state. Enter: Addiction.
Now my addiction is food. There was a time (and sometimes even now) that the hold and ambition of getting my next-binge, my next-fix was the greatest drive in my Life. Indeed, I placed a large stock of myself in it, and looking back I’m not overly surprised by the results I had. I like many of us, have been guilty of masking the problem, glossing over it, adding paper to the cracks rather than seeking a painful yet altruistic lesson that could be learned:
80% of dealing with The Big Empty is facing it.
By merely confronting it, if you do nothing else, it allows you, the very least the chance to ‘size up your opponent’ or to ‘scale’ the magnitude of the ‘landscape’, rather than depending on the hyperbolic conclusion of our exaggerated imagination.
Facing The Big Empty, when it rears its ugly head can be one of the most empowering things you can do today. It’s a chance to really observe yourself, to take a deep dive into your psyche and character, about the problems that pervade you from living the life you desperately want to live.
The Big Empty is vital in self-development and any worthwhile goal. It is the desert we must walk to find our Oasis. It is the Hell we must undertake to find our Salvation. To live a fulfilled life full of depth and purpose requires you to confront the depth within, no matter how painful. It will be uncomfortable, almost certain to hurt, but you’ll have meaning to your life…a meaning that can sustain you through life’s onslaughts, beyond the reactionary saga of distractions and escapism we often seek to avoid feeling the pain.
Overstayed its Welcome
The Big Empty never truly leaves us, no matter how much we try. The best result we can hope for is to become stronger than it, even if it is a worthy opponent.
It’ll often get darker before you see the light, but what can carry you through those moments is the light of your gratitude. You may not feel like it, you may not feel like doing it, but trust me, bringing the light of your gratitude and love for life into The Big Empty is the best way to plant the seed of who you want to be.
It reinforces that, above all else, you can find a way to be happy, to truly be yourself despite circumstances declaring otherwise. This isn’t delusional optimist thinking, it’s a solutionist thinking, one that can kick-start a new wave of behavior and actions that will get you out of the claws of the Big Empty.
The next time The Big Empty comes around, be prepared.
Turn off your phone/devices, just get away from the world for a moment. Grab a pen and paper and write what you are feeling. Even if you are not a writer, get it down. Get the emotions down, so that when you later read it, you can take steps to logically grasp why you are feeling this way. No one need ever know, only you. To understand The Big Empty is to understand the pattern of it. Do so enough, and you will find that The Big Empty can be quite predictable at times, ushering in a powerful idea, that you, when you are best prepared can surmount the obstacles in your wake, and can call upon a strength that had long laid dormant within you.
The Big Empty is a part of us, but it does not have to encapsulate us. It’s not about being perfect during this Lockdown. ‘Screwing up’ is a part of this Human experience I have come to find, but how you react to your mistakes is what counts. To judge oneself may be the impulsive first-course response should we fall to The Big Empty, but only self-compassion can prevail. Understand why it happened and start again. Reclaim the momentum lost, and sure enough, you’ll be on the winning side of The Big Empty when its all said and done.
Stare into the abyss of The Big Empty and your True self will reflect back to you.
That’s a good place to start.
