HOW FIVE GUYS LED TO MY ULTIMATE BREAKTHROUGH

I had spent hours, days, months and years on trying to develop a more emotionally stable approach to life, disciplining myself to not seek ‘Pleasure’ as my ‘God’, to whom I would turn to in my hour of need.

For the longest while, binge eating and hiding away in my bedroom with my laptop was my go-to ‘God’. I had made it my ‘anchor’ for dealing with my life situation, my crutch, and ultimately my driving force in life. As far as I was concerned, THIS was my Life and all that it was ever meant to be.

These days we are constantly told who and what we should be, how we should look, what we are ‘missing’ out on; fed the false promise that THIS product, THIS event, THIS ‘fix’ will be the saving grace you’ve been deeply yearning for. That happiness is almost always ‘over there’, but never here.

I too fell into this trap, believing that every-ingredient-bar-cherry-and-coffee’ FIVE GUYS SHAKE would bring me the missing piece I was searching for, the very answer to all of my problems at this very moment…only to succumb to the swift kick in the face by reality (and my naive amazement) that that fleeting mouth pleasure did fuck all in the grand scheme of things.

But why? Why didn’t it?

Well for starters, I was playing an External game dictated by External rules…there is simply no winning (at least in the long-lasting sense).

That’s not to say that the Five Guys Shake didn’t provide me with some, albeit momentary relief from the emptiness I had in me but simply put, it had failed me.

Why was I feeling emptier than before? How come my ‘pain’ became heightened, bringing out further pain than before?

Life is suffering

I have spent hours, days, months and years on trying to develop a more emotionally stable approach to life, disciplining myself to not seek ‘Pleasure’ as my ‘God’, to whom I would turn to in my hour of need.

For the longest while, binge eating and hiding away in my bedroom with my laptop was my go-to ‘God’. I had made it my ‘anchor’ for dealing with my life situation, becoming my crutch, and ultimately my driving force in life. As far as I was concerned, THIS was my Life and all that it was ever meant to be.

I drowned. I drowned myself in my vacuum of a more ‘familiar’ and ‘safe’ world, and I did so until I became sick of it. I became so overweight and unhealthy that, not only did I not recognise myself in the mirror, but also found that my near 70 year old Father was ‘running circles’ around me when we went for a 5 mile walk, stopping to stretch my tight calves more times than I care to admit!

I turned inward, somehow, I’ve always known it was an inward problem, but failed to implement nor even give myself the time of day to even go deeper into that thought.

I re-evaluated my values and the paradigm I had created for my life.

Life was to be something to ‘tolerate for now, until I can hide’.

That’s right, numbness through food and escapism, was my method of how to make sense of this life. It was far from an empowering one, but it’s the story and framework I had developed for my life at that time.

So what changed? How did I turn it around?

I began entertaining new affirmations, in hope that a new wave of thinking would contribute to this new behaviour I was desperately seeking. I began walking at 5am, telling myself ‘Every day and every way I am getting stronger and stronger’. Over and over again I would say this with conviction and every fibre of my being, hoping it would inspire me, as I muttered it, and tried my best to ‘feel’ the words.

It didn’t last.

It failed to resonate with me. In no way I was feeling stronger at that time.

Then I came across a famous Buddha quote: ‘Life is Suffering’.

Wait, Buddha said that? Yes he did. The most Zen dude ever said this. But there’s more to it than meets the eye.

Although life may be suffering, according to Buddha, it is ultimately down to you to transcend the suffering. You get to choose how you respond and play to the game of Life or else it will play it for you.

I began to find ways to transcend the suffering. I became adept at confronting it, in many forms. I actively sought it in multiple facets of my life.

Was I undefeated? No. But I had more wins than losses, and I was taking on the responsibility for my Life, my emotions included. I would apply discipline and boundaries to my life, making sure that no matter what, that tomorrow had a foundation I could build upon, brick by brick. To not honour that foundation I had built for myself would be a betrayal of myself. Could I afford to lose a ‘brick’ here and there, of course, but I was more than aware of the damages that laid ahead if I did not revert back to building my new foundations. The more thoughts I had that aligned with this new behaviour, the more the momentum grew in my favour.

I had discovered a Universal truth, that now looking back was as subtle as a punch to the face, yet somehow I had failed to notice:

To combat and be best equip in life, one must OVER-suffer.

Now hear me out before you ‘adjust your tv screens’. There’s a deep, dormant power that comes from confronting the suffering in your life, especially when done so voluntary. It’s not just on the surface, but a psychological shift that’s at work as well.

By over-exposing myself to suffering, whether, lessening procrastination in my life, going to the gym at an uncomfortable hour, eating restrictedly or confronting people in my life, (Hell even my dating life!) I had found, day by day, I became braver. Not less scared, but braver. The fear would remain, but its counterpart was simply louder. I had ‘calloused my mind’, as David Goggins calls it, re-defining and pushing my threshold boundary more and more with each passing day.

I was on the attack. I was no longer sitting in a defensive and reactionary stance because I was too busy causing the affliction to Life. Life had to play catch-up to me!

To say I am bullet-proof would be naive of me to say. But battle-hardened I will take!

Does that mean I’m impervious to reverting to my old habits? No. Would I often return to those numb states? Sometimes…but I do not stay there. I had changed the narrative of my life. One that empowered me. I hope you find what resonates in your life.

There is no need to hide anymore.